Meeting Netflix in an Alley – A Scene

Our awesome local video store, Videoport, has a yearly trivia competition in their newsletter. Most of the competition is difficult questions about movies, like “This Swedish film features an eye-slashing scene where a real corpse was used to create the effect.” Along with questions about the production of the Godfather and the extras in foreign exploitation films, a few more jokey questions are thrown in. As an independent store, one of the questions that caught my eye was the inspiration for the following scene.

You run into Netflix in a dark alley, what do you do?

Meeting Netflix in an Alley – A Scene

EXT AN ALLEYWAY – NIGHT

JOSH and NETFLIX stand in the alley, chatting.

NETFLIX
I am the largest online DVD rental service, offering flat rate rental-by-mail and online streaming to customers in the United States. I have a collection of 100,000 titles and approximately 8.2 million subscribers. Would you like to rent a movie?

NETFLIX opens his trench coat, revealing rows of red envelopes.

JOSH
Sure! I’ve been meaning to rent the Star Wars Holiday Special since I saw it over at Videoport. Can I rent that?

NETFLIX
Does not compute. Title not available. Error.

JOSH
OK, uhm… how about the movie the Ski Industries Club up in Farmington made last winter? Do you have that?

NETFLIX
Not available. Please try again.

JOSH
(frustrated)
Viking Women and the Sea Serpent? Penrod? Gold is Where You Find It?

NETFLIX
Nah. Nope. Not even a little bit.

JOSH
OK, I guess I’ll rent … Mallrats. Do I get a free rental with that or anything?

NETFLIX
You do not.

JOSH
(sadly)
Fine.

JOSH reaches for the red envelope in NETFLIX’s trench coat. NETFLIX slaps his hand away.

NETFLIX
You can’t have the movie now! Wait for a day or two, you’ll get it in the mail. If it doesn’t break. And if we aren’t having any more computer glitches.

JOSH
Never mind. I’m going to Videoport.

JOSH kicks NETFLIX in the crotch. NETFLIX crumples to the ground.

END.

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